I quit. Again. But for real this time. And forever.

I’d say I’ve done it before, but that goes against the entire notion of quitting. I mean, had I really quit, I wouldn’t have to quit again.

Actually, this is my third attempt at quitting this year. The first two failed miserably. This time seems somewhat promising. It’s been more than 36 hours since I had my last cigarette.

For the life of me, I have no idea why people smoke. It’s expensive, smelly and it’s bad for you. And yet, for the past four years or so, I’ve been lighting up to the tune of a pack a day. Sometimes more. Sometimes less.

That’s right, I’ve only smoked four years. Prior to that, there was a five-year hiatus in my nicotine addiction — or at least the active appeasement of that addiction.

In truth, I’ll always be an addict. That’s what makes staying away so important. As I already said, I had a five-year break from smoking. I went nearly 2,000 days without cigarettes. Not a single one. Because I know I’m not strong enough to have just one.

And when I did have “just one” four years ago, I ended up back to a pack a day.

I don’t want that to happen again, so I’m going to steer clear of the first one. It’s pretty hard to smoke a pack a day if you never light the first one.

Last time I quit, I used gum. Lots of it. Every time I wanted a cigarette, I would instead pop a piece of gum.

This time, I’m employing the use of an electronic cigarette. They aren’t mean to be a stop-smoking device, but if it works, I win.

I write this column for a few reasons. First of all, I think my chances of quitting are better if I have “sponsors.” I hereby deputize you all. Second, I thought I might inspire others to quit, as well. It’s easier if we do it together. Third, if I attempt to bite your head off this week, you know why. And finally, I had to write about something.