I read some of these this morning on Reason … thought I’d share the whole list with you …
40 Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work
- I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
- I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you’ve set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
- I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
- Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
- I’m out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
- I don’t work here – I’m a consultant.
- It sounds like English, but I don’t understand a damn word you’re saying.
- Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
- I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I have plenty of talent and vision – I just don’t give a damn.
- I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
- I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
- It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- And your cry-baby whiny butt opinion would be?
- Do I look like a f’ing people person to you?
- This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Oh, I get it. Like humor. Only different.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
- Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is finally done.
- How do I set a laser printer to kill.
- I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary
- I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
- Wait a minute – I’m just trying to imagine you with a personality
Mark from Niagara Falls added “With a little improvement you could be useless.”