Thanks to Henry Fischer for the following list of Valentines Day cards that Hallmark rejected.


10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunkbut the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollowUnless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine’s card at the storeIn hopes that, later, you’d be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so rightI just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.

6. You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of classespecially when I’m spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famishedBut now I’m fulfilled…SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!

4. Through all the things that came to passOur love has grown but so’s your ass.

3. You’re a honey and you’re a cutieI just wished you had J-Lo’s “booty.”

2. I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or cornySo, right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blisterYou should check out the one that I gave to your sister!